Surfing in Nebraska

Old news, but still disconcerting. I know "they" are out there, but really... ?

A man in Valentine, Nebraska visits businesses where he greases up his butt and smacks it against the windows…leaving an imprint of his naked ass on the glass.

It seems no business is safe. The “Butt Bandit” has hit hotels, stores, and even churches. The strange man rubs petroleum jelly on his hind-side and stamps his mark across the “The Heart City.” The police chief has exclaimed that “This is the weirdest case I’ve ever seen!”

By piecing together the evidence left behind, ahem, law enforcement has determined that the perpetrator has not covered his backtrail very well. In an asinine, again, ahem, attempt to expose the offending posterior, an unamed officer published an editorial in the local paper implying the man could possibly be a homeless person in arrears...

... and now I'll stop; before making a total ass of myself. Too late?